Memory Lane--Nose Ring

The summer before my senior year in college, I studied abroad in London. Within the first week or so, I got my nose pierced. Clearly, I wasn't going to tell my mother who was across the Atlantic at the time. But somehow, she found out.

Mom to Me: "Please tell me it's not true."
Me to Mom: "What?"
Mom to Me: "Did you get your nose pierced? Please tell me you didn't do it, please."
Me to Mom: "I did. It's not a big deal. Who told you?"
Mom to Me: "OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR FACE! YOU ARE NEVER GOING TO GET A JOB NOW! NEVER! DO YOU SEE KATIE COURIC WITH A NOSE RING? OR JULIE ANDREWS? NO ONE IS GOING TO HIRE YOU! YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL FACE AND NOW IT HAS A HOLE IN IT! I HOPE YOU'LL BE HAPPY WHEN NO ONE HIRES YOU BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A UBANGI. OR A PIG"
Me to Mom: "Ma, it's really cute though."
Mom to Me: "I can't tell your father. It will kill him, KILL HIM."

(needless to say, I removed the nose ring immediately following that conversation; she checked my nose the second she saw me back in the States and said "It's a good thing.")

Hola, Mom in Espana

Background: Mom and Dad travel to Spain for 10 days (just the two of them). Dad had a little "cough" before he left. Mom had a vicious cough three weeks prior to the trip.


Mom to Me: "Kristen, I am going to kill him."
Me to Mom: "Who? And why are you whispering?"
Mom to Me: "Daddy. He thinks he's dying because he has a little cough."
Me to Mom: [laughing]
Me to Mom: "You should hear him. Every time he coughs it's a huge production. He thinks he has pneumonia [starts hysterical laughing, then abruptly stops]. I'm going to kill him."
Me to Mom: "But Ma..."
Mom to Me: "Ohhesgettingoutoftheshowernowgottagobye."

Crazy to Crazy

Mom to Me: "You need to coordinate your mental health."

Skirt Regulation Length

In J Crew....


Me to Mom: "Do you like this skirt?"
Mom to Me: "For who? You?"
Me to Mom: "Um, yes."
Mom to Me (in a voice that would not be considered an "indoor" voice): "Don't you think that is a little short?"
Me to Mom: "No...it's not that bad."
Mom to Me: "It's too short. You'll look like a hoochie."
Mom to Me: "I'm sorry, but how old am I again?"

Too Cool for School

Setting: on the beach with my mom and my friend.

Mom to Me: "I wanted to get you a hat for the beach so you don't get sunburned. And to cover your hair because it's turning yellow."

Me to Mom: "What kind of hat?"

Mom to Me: "You know, the one like Sandra Bullock wears. You'd look so cute."

Friend to Mom: "Those hats are like too cool for school."

Mom to Us: "What does that mean?"

Me to Mom: "You know, like too cool for school. You never heard that expression before?"

Mom to Us: "Well, yeah, but I don't understand. That's what those hats mean? That they're too cool for school?"

Friend and I exchange worried glances....

Me to Mom "No Mom. It means that people who wear those hats think they're really cool."

Mom to Us: "Oh. I still don't think it relates."