Mom to Me:
Do you feel like having meatloaf for dinner. I hate dinner. If you said yes, can you take the chop meat out of the freezer. You want to go food shopping w/me when I get home.
Mom to Me:
Take the dogs for a walk.....a fly just landed on my computer screen!
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Happy Day for Mom
Mom to Me on graduation day: "This is the happiest day of my life."
Me to Mom: "What about the birth of your children?"
Mom to Me: "No, not the same."
Me to Mom: "What about the birth of your children?"
Mom to Me: "No, not the same."
Again, Mom's big pimpin'
Mom, showing me the Daily News article on where to watch the World Cup
Mom to Me: "Look, I found places for you to go."
Me to Mom: "For what?"
Mom flips open the newspaper
Mom to Me: "See? Look at how many bars that will be filled with guys."
Me to Mom: "Yeah, guys who just want to watch soccer."
Mom to Me: "Maybe not. Look [shows me a picture of girls at the bar]. These girls are smart."
Me to Mom: "Why are you always trying to pimp me out?"
Mom to Me: "I'm just trying to help!"
Mom to Me: "Look, I found places for you to go."
Me to Mom: "For what?"
Mom flips open the newspaper
Mom to Me: "See? Look at how many bars that will be filled with guys."
Me to Mom: "Yeah, guys who just want to watch soccer."
Mom to Me: "Maybe not. Look [shows me a picture of girls at the bar]. These girls are smart."
Me to Mom: "Why are you always trying to pimp me out?"
Mom to Me: "I'm just trying to help!"
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Mom doesn't like me
In an email exchange earlier today....
Mom to Me: what re you up to today?
Me to Mom: Organizing like a crazy woman. There are many clothes from last year that dont fit this year.
Mom to Me: that's good....that makes me happy
Me to Mom: That I'm fat or that I'm cleaning?
Mom to Me: that you're cleaning...you numbnuts
Me to Mom: Blog!
Mom to Me: I hate you
Mom to Me: what re you up to today?
Me to Mom: Organizing like a crazy woman. There are many clothes from last year that dont fit this year.
Mom to Me: that's good....that makes me happy
Me to Mom: That I'm fat or that I'm cleaning?
Mom to Me: that you're cleaning...you numbnuts
Me to Mom: Blog!
Mom to Me: I hate you
Monday, May 17, 2010
Kristen, you're not all that
Me to Mom: "Don't you remember, I told you that the other day!"
Mom to Me: "I don't remember."
Me to Mom: "You need to pay me more attention when I speak."
Mom to Me: "You make me nervous! It's like I'm being grilled every time I speak to you."
Me to Mom: "Haha."
Mom to Me: "Remember when I told you that you're not as skinny as you think you are?"
Me to Mom: "Yes..."
Mom to Me: "Well you're not as important as you think you are. There are other people in the world you know."
Me to Mom: "I can't believe you just said that to me."
Mom to Me: "Well it's true! You gonna put that in your blog?"
Me to Mom: [Nod]
Mom to Me: "Good, wanna quote me?"
I love my mom. She knows how to put me in my place.
Mom to Me: "I don't remember."
Me to Mom: "You need to pay me more attention when I speak."
Mom to Me: "You make me nervous! It's like I'm being grilled every time I speak to you."
Me to Mom: "Haha."
Mom to Me: "Remember when I told you that you're not as skinny as you think you are?"
Me to Mom: "Yes..."
Mom to Me: "Well you're not as important as you think you are. There are other people in the world you know."
Me to Mom: "I can't believe you just said that to me."
Mom to Me: "Well it's true! You gonna put that in your blog?"
Me to Mom: [Nod]
Mom to Me: "Good, wanna quote me?"
I love my mom. She knows how to put me in my place.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Mom's My Pimp
While driving in Manhattan...
Mom to Me: "Oh Kristen, did you see that blonde guy? He looked like David Beckham."
Me to Mom: "No, where?"
Mom to Me: "Over there, on the street! Look at him, he's good-looking."
[Man walks down sidewalk and stops on corner.]
Me to Mom: "Yeah I guess he's cute."
Mom to Me: "Why don't you think he's cute?"
Me to Mom: "He looks kinda young."
Mom to Me: "Oh look he's right there!"
Me to Mom: "Seriously, what would you like me to do? Get out of the car an introduce myself?"
Mom to Me: [Silence]
Mom to Me: "Oh Kristen, did you see that blonde guy? He looked like David Beckham."
Me to Mom: "No, where?"
Mom to Me: "Over there, on the street! Look at him, he's good-looking."
[Man walks down sidewalk and stops on corner.]
Me to Mom: "Yeah I guess he's cute."
Mom to Me: "Why don't you think he's cute?"
Me to Mom: "He looks kinda young."
Mom to Me: "Oh look he's right there!"
Me to Mom: "Seriously, what would you like me to do? Get out of the car an introduce myself?"
Mom to Me: [Silence]
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
My mom loves me
Mom to Me: "Are you happy school is over?"
Me to Mom: "Yeah, I guess."
Mom to Me: "You're bored already, aren't you?"
Me to Mom: "Kinda."
Mom to Me: "You're a masochist."
Me to Mom: "Yeah, I guess."
Mom to Me: "You're bored already, aren't you?"
Me to Mom: "Kinda."
Mom to Me: "You're a masochist."
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Rules of Movie Watching, by Mom
Mom to Me: "Why are you watching a movie now?"
Me to Mom: "Because there's nothing on TV?"
Mom to Me: "You're making me depressed, watching a movie now."
Me to Mom: "Why?"
Mom to Me: "Movies are, like, for the weekends."
Me to Mom: (Silence)
Mom to Me: "Sitcoms are for during the week and movies are for the weekends when you have more time."
Me to Mom: "I see."
Me to Mom: "Because there's nothing on TV?"
Mom to Me: "You're making me depressed, watching a movie now."
Me to Mom: "Why?"
Mom to Me: "Movies are, like, for the weekends."
Me to Mom: (Silence)
Mom to Me: "Sitcoms are for during the week and movies are for the weekends when you have more time."
Me to Mom: "I see."
Please leave a message
Monday night, 9:30 PM
Ring, ring
Mom to Me: "Hello?"
Me to Mom: "Hi Ma."
Mom to Me: "I can't believe you're calling right now."
Me to Mom: "What?"
Mom to Me: "Don't you know what's on?"
Me to Mom: "Oh, 24."
Mom to Me: "That's right."
Me to Mom: "Sorry."
Ring, ring
Mom to Me: "Hello?"
Me to Mom: "Hi Ma."
Mom to Me: "I can't believe you're calling right now."
Me to Mom: "What?"
Mom to Me: "Don't you know what's on?"
Me to Mom: "Oh, 24."
Mom to Me: "That's right."
Me to Mom: "Sorry."
Guest Blog Entries
Because this is a conversation I'd most definitely have with my mom, I am posting a convo taken place between my friend Tracy and her mom. The second one takes place between Rosanna and her mom. Gotta love em!
Mom to me: Shame on Christina Aguilera!!
Me to mom: haha why? too sexy?
Mom to me: Slutty, raunchy, not sexy… sleezy. Nothing sexy about it. Really really bad taste. Ignorant. Just did not expect that out of her after she had a baby.
Me to mom: The new song?
Mom to me: New Video. Fox showed parts of it this a.m. with a lot too fuzzy to see. Definitely X rated. I would have banned you from listening to her if she was like that when you were in High school. Low life. It's not creative or art.
Me to mom: Ok, calm down. Do you think the same thing about Madonna?
Mom to me: You bet. Well actually I think Madonna did it more for shock value. I think she is really clever. Sly as a fox type.
Me to mom: Come on! Same thing.
Mom to me: debatable.
Rosanna and Mom
Me to Mom: Oh! It looks like I'll be hitting my favorite martini bar next week for a friend's birthday party.
Mom to me: All you and your friends do is drink. *shakes head disapprovingly* Why not doing something cultured?
Me to Mom: Cultured? We can't afford musicals.. and really, how many times can you go to a museum?
Mom to me: I bet if they had a bar in the museum, you would go.
Mom to me: Shame on Christina Aguilera!!
Me to mom: haha why? too sexy?
Mom to me: Slutty, raunchy, not sexy… sleezy. Nothing sexy about it. Really really bad taste. Ignorant. Just did not expect that out of her after she had a baby.
Me to mom: The new song?
Mom to me: New Video. Fox showed parts of it this a.m. with a lot too fuzzy to see. Definitely X rated. I would have banned you from listening to her if she was like that when you were in High school. Low life. It's not creative or art.
Me to mom: Ok, calm down. Do you think the same thing about Madonna?
Mom to me: You bet. Well actually I think Madonna did it more for shock value. I think she is really clever. Sly as a fox type.
Me to mom: Come on! Same thing.
Mom to me: debatable.
Rosanna and Mom
Me to Mom: Oh! It looks like I'll be hitting my favorite martini bar next week for a friend's birthday party.
Mom to me: All you and your friends do is drink. *shakes head disapprovingly* Why not doing something cultured?
Me to Mom: Cultured? We can't afford musicals.. and really, how many times can you go to a museum?
Mom to me: I bet if they had a bar in the museum, you would go.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Dad at the computer
Me to Mom: "Dad's trying to use the computer."
Mom to Me: "Oh no."
Me to Mom: "Let's get out of here before he asks for help."
Dad to Mom (calling from downstairs): "Diane, can you help me for a second?"
Mom goes downstairs.
Dad to Mom: "How do I open an attachment?"
Mom to Dad: "Click open attachment."
Dad to Mom: "How do I cancel out of this?"
Mom to Dad: "Click the X in the corner."
Dad to Mom: "Where is it?"
Mom to Dad: "Right there!"
Dad to Mom: "I can't see it. And why is this arrow so small? I can't see anything. Why do they have to make everything so small?"
Mom to Me: "Oh no."
Me to Mom: "Let's get out of here before he asks for help."
Dad to Mom (calling from downstairs): "Diane, can you help me for a second?"
Mom goes downstairs.
Dad to Mom: "How do I open an attachment?"
Mom to Dad: "Click open attachment."
Dad to Mom: "How do I cancel out of this?"
Mom to Dad: "Click the X in the corner."
Dad to Mom: "Where is it?"
Mom to Dad: "Right there!"
Dad to Mom: "I can't see it. And why is this arrow so small? I can't see anything. Why do they have to make everything so small?"
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Promiscuous Birds
Mom to Me: "The mother bird hasn't been around a lot today."
Me to Mom: "She's probably looking for food."
Me to Mom: "She better be. You don't think she's a slut, do you?"
Me to Mom: (Silence)
For those of you who care, the birds are doing wonderfully. They're getting bigger and bigger every day and starting to grow feathers. The other day I was told to stand guard outside while the landscapers worked on our lawn. "MAKE SURE THEY DON'T GO NEAR THAT TREE, KRISTEN!!!!" So like a fool, I told the gentlemen not to go near the tree and explained that there are "little birds" in the tree. They looked at me like I was a nut (not too far off).
For those of you who are new to this blog, scroll down to the Bird Brains entry--it explains everything.
Me to Mom: "She's probably looking for food."
Me to Mom: "She better be. You don't think she's a slut, do you?"
Me to Mom: (Silence)
For those of you who care, the birds are doing wonderfully. They're getting bigger and bigger every day and starting to grow feathers. The other day I was told to stand guard outside while the landscapers worked on our lawn. "MAKE SURE THEY DON'T GO NEAR THAT TREE, KRISTEN!!!!" So like a fool, I told the gentlemen not to go near the tree and explained that there are "little birds" in the tree. They looked at me like I was a nut (not too far off).
For those of you who are new to this blog, scroll down to the Bird Brains entry--it explains everything.
Vacation
While perusing a travel book for places in the US to visit this summer
Dad to Mom: "Oh this looks nice. Fall foliage...:
Mom to Dad: "It's not fall you dingbat!"
Dad to Mom: "Oh."
Dad to Me: "Gonna put that on your blog, Kristen?"
Me to Dad: "Yup."
Dad to Mom: "Oh this looks nice. Fall foliage...:
Mom to Dad: "It's not fall you dingbat!"
Dad to Mom: "Oh."
Dad to Me: "Gonna put that on your blog, Kristen?"
Me to Dad: "Yup."
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